This past Sunday marked an important milestone in the fabric of our family’s life. It was the day our father turned 80.
Sunday was also the culmination of weeks and days of planning and coordinating between all of us his children to pull off a surprise birthday and family reunion this past weekend. And such a joyful reunion and celebration it turned out to be.
So in case you were wondering where I’ve been (all 7 of you that read this lol) now you know. As the host and head planner by default (being the oldest has certain liabilities as I’m sure all of you “oldest” siblings can attest to) I felt as if it fell to me to make sure everything was in place. Not that I had to do everything myself, no it was truly a team effort. And not that it was the kind of 80th birthday celebration that we’re used to seeing in our Samoan community. As a matter of fact, the kind of celebration we wanted was very different than most Samoan celebrations. For one thing, it wasn’t big at all. It was small, actually very small. There were no suas or extravagant sao ga meas or large sums of money given as gifts. What it was instead was an intimate and heartfelt celebration with the people that mattered the most to our father.
You see, if you knew my father, you’d know that he’s not the kind of man that likes the big elaborate fiafias where you invite the whole auloku or village, the kind that is filled with people that we don’t even know, or at least don’t know very well. My dad is a quiet and humble man and anything extravagant at that scale with him as the guest of honor wouldn’t be enjoyable for him. So to honor him, we planned a quiet weekend with just our family doing things together. The most important thing was to bring all of his children and our families together from the different parts of the world that each of us now call home – that to us was the best gift we can give him as he hasn’t seen all of his kids together in one place in at least 20 years.
Last night – the final evening of our celebration and his actual birthday brought many of us to tears as we reminisced about all the great lessons this unassuming man from Samoa who grew up with very humble means has taught us over the years. Each of us got to share a memory of growing up under his roof and some of the things that we remembered doing with him. One of my brothers talked about a time when he and our father spent the day in Apia and then instead of going to our aunt’s house for the night, he and dad decided to just hang out around Apia until daylight when the buses start running again so they can catch a bus to Mulifanua for the next ferry to Savaii. In his words, they didn’t necessarily do anything fun but having that alone time with dad meant the world to him.
Another brother shared how he observed that our father always let our mother go on the “fun” trips overseas to visit one of us when we started to leave home for school in NZ and the US. Dad always let our mother have that pleasure and he’d stay home with the remaining kids. He told us that this is what he tries to do in his own family now. Yet another brother shared how he sometimes thought that our father was too forgiving and too humble but now that he’s older, he realizes that humility and forgiveness are the marks of a truly powerful father, leader and patriarch. It’s easy enough to respond with anger and hate, but turning “the other cheek” takes the kind of inner strength that many of us lack.
When I stop to think about the legacy this man has bestowed upon us I can’t help but marvel that someone who grew up as he did, with literally nothing, many times going hungry and barefeet, who wasn’t always treated nicely or fairly in his own youth, and yet this same man made us feel as if we were the most important and the richest kids in all of Samoa and showered us with love. He raised us to believe that we can do anything and that we are worthy of everything good in this world.
It was a spiritual and memorable evening and weekend for us. I for one am glad that we got to share these memories with our father while he’s still around to hear us express them. Too often we wait to say these things over their coffins – and really what is the point then if they can no longer hear you say them? If you have the kind of father that we are blessed to have in our Dad, go ahead, tell them what’s in your heart before it’s too late. Reading another Samoan blogger’s moving tribute to his own father today really brought home this point.
I can’t end this post without saying how much I appreciate and love my family – my siblings and our children and all that they did to make this weekend one that we’ll remember forever. And to our spouses, these wonderful eternal companions that have blessed our lives in so many ways, I thank you all. To my hubby and best friend, I love you - you have my undying gratitude for loving my father and honoring him like your own. Finally, to my father, thank you, I’m truly blessed to be able to call you Dad.