We Samoans have a unique sense of what’s appropriate and what isn’t, don’t we? Well, maybe unique isn’t quite the word but we sure do get uptight about the strangest things.
The biggest thing that comes to mind are the social taboos associated with marriage. Here’s the deal, a set of sisters married a set of brothers. (All you Samoans that are reading this can now gasp out loud and shake your heads in disapproval). Needless, to say that had everyone and their auntie up in arms because its just not the kind of thing that you do in Samoa. Now, get this, the two family of the sisters are not related in any way, shape, or form, to the family of the two brothers. However, the fact that one of the brothers was already married into this one family immediately makes anyone else from his family off limits. Now lest you think this only applies to immediate relatives like sisters or brothers, it doesn’t. My brother in law got heckled quite a bit for marrying the third cousin of his brother’s wife. Are you confused yet? I am. My head is hurting from trying to get all these relationships straight.
Back to 2 sisters that married the 2 brothers. I’m sure that for awhile, they had to put up with the smirks and worse from the community. It’s their unfortunate luck to be living in Samoa still and thus be subjected to a jury of their not-so tactful peers. After all, what was their crime? Did they marry a first cousin? Did they do the deed with the husband of a sister, or a cousin, or a friend? Did they avaga and sosola with a married man? No, for better or for worse, they married a set of brothers. In Samoa, this comes close to the social taboos that most other cultures reserve for incest. And yet, marrying the brother of your sister’s husband is perfectly legal and yes, ethically and morally proper (oh, except in Samoa).
The 2 sisters I mentioned here aren’t trailblazers by any means. There have been many other Samoan sisters and brothers before them that married into the same family. I’m sure each of them heard it from well meaning relatives and other faikas. I think some of them might have gotten off a little easier because they weren’t living in Samoa at the time but I’m sure they had to put up with the jokes and the jibes.
I do not agree with this social taboo among our culture. There are plenty of people that I believe should be off-limits to a Samoan – a first, second, third cousin for example. I know many other cultures have no problem with second and third cousins marrying. To each his own, I suppose. Because we Samoans have such close ties to our extended families, and we are practically raised together with our cousins and other relatives, marrying a third cousin to me would still be like marrying a brother – gross! If you see that person on a constant basis when you have fa’alavelaves, kalanoaga, and other family events, that means that person is probably a relative from another ava of your grandfather and is therefore, untouchable. Aue, try keeping those connections straight.
Anyway, people, there’s plenty enough to be uptight about. Let’s be sure we’re getting all worked up about things that matter. If we’re going to be preachy at least be preachy about things that are morally, ethically, and legally repulsive. Marrying a brother or a cousin of your sister’s husband may be a social taboo in our culture today but it doesn’t have to be. This particular taboo is one that is without any logical or ethical reasoning behind it whatsoever and the sooner we get rid of it the better.
