On an island far away a girl who thought she had life all planned out met this handsome Samoan guy and the rest as they say is history

We Promised

You promised that you’ll still love me even when there’s a lot more of me to love and I promised that you’ll still be the love of my life even when your snoring keeps me up at nights

To Have and To Hold

We moved in seemingly different circles but thankfully fate brought us together and I will have and hold you until forever and beyond my love

In Sickness and in Health

You’re the one that I reach for when I’m hurting and the one that I want to laugh with when everything is going right

For Richer, For Poorer

Remember when we had to walk to the closest Safeway to buy groceries and we had one piece of furniture to our name, what an adventure its been my love

In Good Times and Bad

We’ve had our share of those, you’ve annoyed the heck out of me and I’ve made you mad as heck, you’ve put up with my crap and I’ve learned to look past yours

To Love and to Cherish

You are and always will be my one true love, wherever you are is home because that is where my heart will be

Till Death Do Us Part

That’s not going to happen because I will stalk you from the grave if I die before you so this part doesn’t apply to us   

Happy 24th Anniversary my love! Here’s to another 24 years of loving you, fighting with you, being loved by you, annoying you, being annoyed by you, cheering the boys on with you, celebrating life’s little victories with you, sharing the thorns of life with you and just simply being the other half of you. I look forward to growing old with you.  You and me facing whatever together babe, we got this!

Came across this old clip of  Plebiscite day. Love the old black and white video and love the fact that this momentous event was carried out peacefully and seemingly very orderly.  This simple fact stands out in my mind today as it was only last night that we watched a movie based on true events surrounding a change of government in South Africa.

So sad how change in some parts of the world almost always seem to be accompanied by bloodshed and violence.  I understand and support change and know that sometimes change is necessary for the good of the people but still, it’s sad that it comes at such a cost.  So unfair that so many innocent people are killed just because that happens to be their home.  But I didn’t mean to get into a political discussion so that’s all I’m going to say on that.

Samoa did gain its independence on 1 January 1962, however, Independence Day is celebrated on June 1st every year.  This has been the practice for as long as I can remember which brings up the next obvious question…why?  Yet one more nugget of historical data to dig up.

As a young school girl in Samoa, I remember participating in Independence Day festivities with my school.  It was a day that we looked forward to for a number of reasons; the main one being that it was an official holiday so no school of course.  There was also excited anticipation of the week’s festivities and the special treats we’d get such as an ice cream cone from Isa’s or if we were really lucky an ice cream cone from Isa’s and a keke pua’a from Pigaki and a movie at the Savalalo Grand.

The most exciting event, at least, as far as my father was concerned was the fautasi race. I remember sitting on top of our old red pick up truck so that us young kids can have a clear unobstructed view of the race.  And yes, I also remember the envious looks of others who had no such preferred sitting at their disposal and how easily I dismissed them.  Ugh…the immaturity and selfishness of children.  If I ever gave you one of my 10 year old “sucks to be you” look I sincerely and wholeheartedly apologize.

On a side note, check out the very casual attire (or should that be non-attire) of some of the ballot counters…love it.

Sunday was also the culmination of weeks and days of planning and coordinating between all of us his children to pull off a surprise birthday and family reunion this past weekend.  And such a joyful reunion and celebration it turned out to be.

So in case you were wondering where I’ve been (all 7 of you that read this lol) now you know.  As the host and head planner by default (being the oldest has certain liabilities as I’m sure all of you “oldest” siblings can attest to) I felt as if it fell to me to make sure everything was in place.  Not that I had to do everything myself, no it was truly a team effort.  And not that it was the kind of 80th birthday celebration that we’re used to seeing in our Samoan community.  As a matter of fact, the kind of celebration we wanted was very different than most Samoan celebrations.  For one thing, it wasn’t big at all.  It was small, actually very small. There were no suas or extravagant sao ga meas or large sums of money given as gifts.  What it was instead was an intimate and heartfelt celebration with the people that mattered the most to our father.

You see, if you knew my father, you’d know that he’s not the kind of man that likes the big elaborate fiafias where you invite the whole auloku or village, the kind that is filled with people that we don’t even know, or at least don’t know very well. My dad is a quiet and humble man and anything extravagant at that scale with him as the guest of honor wouldn’t be enjoyable for him.  So to honor him, we planned a quiet weekend with just our family doing things together.  The most important thing was to bring all of his children and our families together from the different parts of the world that each of us now call home – that to us was the best gift we can give him as he hasn’t seen all of his kids together in one place in at least 20 years.

Last night – the final evening of our celebration and his actual birthday brought many of us to tears as we reminisced about all the great lessons this unassuming man from Samoa who grew up with very humble means has taught us over the years.  Each of us got to share a memory of growing up under his roof and some of the things that we remembered doing with him.  One of my brothers talked about a time when he and our father spent the day in Apia and then instead of going to our aunt’s house for the night, he and dad decided to just hang out around Apia until daylight when the buses start running again so they can catch a bus to Mulifanua for the next ferry to Savaii.  In his words, they didn’t necessarily do anything fun but having that alone time with dad meant the world to him.

Another brother shared how he observed that our father always let our mother go on the “fun” trips overseas to visit one of us when we started to leave home for school in NZ and the US.  Dad always let our mother have that pleasure and he’d stay home with the remaining kids.  He told us that this is what he tries to do in his own family now.  Yet another brother shared how he sometimes thought that our father was too forgiving and too humble but now that he’s older, he realizes that humility and forgiveness are the marks of a truly powerful father, leader and patriarch.  It’s easy enough to respond with anger and hate, but turning “the other cheek” takes the kind of inner strength that many of us lack.

When I stop to think about the legacy this man has bestowed upon us I can’t help but marvel that someone who grew up as he did, with literally nothing, many times going hungry and barefeet, who wasn’t always treated nicely or fairly in his own youth, and yet this same man made us feel as if we were the most important and the richest kids in all of Samoa and showered us with love. He raised us to believe that we can do anything and that we are worthy of everything good in this world.

It was a spiritual and memorable evening and weekend for us.  I for one am glad that we got to share these memories with our father while he’s still around to hear us express them.  Too often we wait to say these things over their coffins – and really what is the point then if they can no longer hear you say them?  If you have the kind of father that we are blessed to have in our Dad, go ahead, tell them what’s in your heart before it’s too late.  Reading another Samoan blogger’s moving tribute to his own father today really brought home this point.

I can’t end this post without saying how much I appreciate and love my family – my siblings and our children and all that they did to make this weekend one that we’ll remember forever.  And to our spouses, these wonderful eternal companions that have blessed our lives in so many ways, I thank you all.  To my hubby and best friend, I love you - you have my undying gratitude for loving my father and honoring him like your own. Finally, to my father, thank you, I’m truly blessed to be able to call you Dad.

We went to see Act of Valor this past Friday and I loved it. If there was such a thing as a required list of films for every American then this movie needs to be on that list.

This movie made it clear how much these special forces and our military do to protect not only our country’s interests but our very lives as well, and most of the time, we don’t even know about it.  Act of Valor is of course about the Navy Seals and yes they are exceptional and extremely well trained.  You have to be pretty jaded if you don’t walk away from this movie without gratitude and appreciation for this elite force, for their training but also for their dedication and loyalty to each other, to their country and to all of us as well.

I’m well aware that the military has a lot of detractors and critics. I also know that the military has more than it’s share of screw-ups and mishaps so some of that criticism is justified.  Still, taking everything into consideration, our men and women serving in the military deserve a lot more  respect and gratitude than they get. Some will argue that they’re paid for what they do and that’s all the gratitude they need.  They say why do I need to thank someone for doing something that they’re paid to do?  They even say that these soldiers chose this job or career for themselves and that it wasn’t forced upon them.

All of that is true.  Our soldiers are paid and our soldiers did choose to go into this career of their own free will.  But let me ask you this, what if everyone was like you and does not want or choose to serve in the military?  What if everyone was like you and would rather let someone else put their lives on the line, pay or no pay?  Who then will protect and die to keep you and your family safe?

As a military wife and a military mother, I’m admittedly biased so I guess you can dismiss this as an overly sentimental military post.

Regardless, I do want to say that I have the utmost respect for all the men and women of our military.  I salute them.  Our son said it best…this is the son that is in college and not in the military. He and his girlfriend saw the movie together and at the end of the movie, he made the comment “we need to go home and hug our dads right now.”  Her dad is military too.  So to all of you, our military community, thank you, and if you’re reading this and have a family member or a friend in the military, please thank them, heck go ahead, give them a hug as well.

One more thing, if you’re only looking to be entertained, then don’t go see this movie, find one with real Hollywood actors who are great at that – acting and making believe.  If you’re looking for a little taste of what it’s like to do what these military men do, then go see Act of Valor.  These soldiers aren’t playing at being soldiers, they actually are real soldiers.

“For all those who’ve been down range, to us, and those like us — damn few.”

April Keil's Zumba crew

…would rather get a root canal or give birth without epidural.

Well, not quite, but you know what I mean.

I hate exercising, working out, going to the gym, whatever you call this thing that we have to do to get or stay healthy and lose weight, I HATE IT!  But as much as I hate exercising, there’s something else I hate even more – getting up EARLY in the morning to go exercise.

Believe it or not, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing this week – getting up at 5am to go exercise.  And despite the fact that I abhor exercising it actually hasn’t been too bad.  In fact, I’m looking forward to going tomorrow again even though it means sacrificing my Saturday morning treat - staying in bed until I feel like getting up.  Like many of you, it’s the one day that I don’t have to rush anywhere.

The key for me was finding something I enjoy, and when it comes to exercising that something is dancing, specifically zumba.  When I’m dancing, it doesn’t feel as if I’m exercising at all so zumba’s tagline, “ditch the workout, join the party” is fitting. I also like the new place I’m going to now, it’s a women only gym so the women that show up at 5 in the morning aren’t afraid to come as themselves – no makeup, hair hastily pulled up in a ponytail, and in sweats and baggy tshirts.  The instructor still looks cute but the rest of us come as we are.  Hey, at least we take the time to brush our teeth, hubby tells me that the guys he plays basketball with in the mornings don’t bother with that, and they’re not shy about yelling and getting in each other’s faces at all.

In addition to kicking off my exercise campaign this week, I also decided to eat healthier.  I know, what am I thinking?  There’s no way this Samoan is going to exist on rabbit food, no sirreeee, and I’m not going to.  I plan to make small changes, for example, this past week I eliminated sugar. Giving up that one little thing was hard.  How hard you ask? Well, I couldn’t have even a sliver of guava cake at my niece’s birthday party even though I love guava cake.  And I couldn’t have even a teeny tiny bite of a Cinnabon from the box of warm delicious Cinnabons that hubby brought home.  There’s actually one left in the fridge, tempting. I’d better channel all my willpower so I don’t walk over there right now and warm it up.  I can do this, I can do this, repeat 10 times…

By the way, if you have any healthy recipes for Samoan or Polynesian dishes, please share.  The Samoan diet is ahmmm how can I say this…not very balanced but it sure is delicious.

So why am I telling you all this?  Because if these fitness and weight management experts are to be believed, then telling you is going to help me succeed because I’m now accountable to all of you.  Whether or not they’re right remains to be seen a ea..

Check out these Samoan zumba addicts and instructors promoting fitness in our Polynesian communities:

• For the Love of Zumba
• The Keil Krew
• Finding Joy In My Journey
• Fitness with Netta

As I reflected on the last wishes of this father, my thoughts were drawn not only to my own father but also to my sons.  Like the father in this account, my father has guided his children through calm as well as some pretty rough waters and has remained unwavering in his love for us. So when that time comes, will my father leave this world in peace knowing that his children are good people?  Or will his mind be troubled about some of us?  Have we turned out the way he’d hoped?

On the other hand (not to sound morbid or anything like that), if it was me on my deathbed, what would my last wishes for my sons be?   I know that I too want them to be honorable and righteous in the sense that they’ll always try to do the right thing, treating others as they would want to be treated, and to be happy.  I want them to be rich and successful too of course, and to be loved deeply and faithfully and to love that special someone the same way.  I want all that for my sons but mostly I want them to be happy and to be good men.

I’m sure that every father and mother wish the same for their children, we all want our sons and daughters to be honest men and women.  In other words, to do what we’ve tried to teach them. But what if they don’t?  What if our teenagers and adult children follow a different path?  What if their choices make them less than the kind of men or women we’d hoped they’d be?

I’m not talking about expecting and raising our kids to be doctors and they end up an artist or something else.  That’s not an issue at all as far as I’m concerned.  Our children should be able to choose what it is that they want to become when they grow up.  I’m asking what a parent can and should do when their son or daughter is like the rebellious sons in the account we read yesterday.

Like this wise father, we can and should continue to love our children.  We can and should continue to counsel them when they’re ready to hear us, and most importantly, never give up on them.  And when we feel as if we can’t do this anymore or give them yet another chance, remember that we too were given and continue to be given many chances!

Samoans are all about families.  We pride ourselves on our strong families.   Family to us Samoans consists of not only our nuclear and extended families but also close friends that play important roles in our lives.  Family to me is my own little family consisting of hubby, me and our boys.  Family to me is also my extended family and close friends.  After all, good friends are sometimes closer to us than blood!

The longer I live, the more convinced I am that there is no such thing as a perfect family.  No family is perfect all the time!

Perhaps it’s the word “perfect” that’s problem.  After all when most of us hear the words “perfect family” we immediately think of a unit where there’s harmony and peace all the time.  We see visions of a family where everyone does exactly what they’re supposed to do – of course what it is that each person is supposed to do is open to interpretation depending on the individual.  As parents we probably have visions of kids doing exactly as they’re told or expected, they don’t disappoint us or go against what we taught them. They bring home good grades, complete their chores without being reminded everyday, stay out of trouble, befriend, date and marry people we approve of, etc.  In our imaginary perfect family everyone is in agreement, there are no contentions or conflicts, we’re all one happy perfect family, all the time, every time.

Is your family perfect? If you answered yes then you’ve either figured out something that has eluded the majority of mankind or perhaps you’re delusional. I don’t think that there is such a thing as a perfect family, at least not according to the definition above.

Which brings me back to my point about the word “perfect.”  It’s overrated, misleading and an absolute falsity.  There are no perfect people, no perfect relationships, no perfect families.  What we have instead is a lot of great people, great relationships, great marriages and great families.  Great, not perfect.  Great people have flaws and will mess up from time to time.  Those so-called perfect people that society hold up as perfect aren’t so perfect when the cameras are off or when the makeup and the glitter comes off.  That doesn’t mean they’re not great people, they probably are, they’re just not the perfect people that we sometimes make them out to be.

A great family isn’t exempt from the sting of disappointments, anger, hate, hurt, embarrassments and sorrow.  Great families weather these tough times and understand that current crisis aside, they’re still a family. A great family isn’t perfect but it is everything else – good and bad.  When we stop chasing the idea of perfection, whether it’s personal perfection or a perfect family, we allow ourselves to be something even better - we allow oursevels to be GREAT.

Many of us have uttered a “fob” at one time or another, if you’re honest you’ll admit that too. As I was saying, many of us are guilty of a fob here and there, we were just lucky that there were no Samoans around when we said it.  Or maybe we were just lucky that we weren’t in Samoa when we said it.  Can you visualize the typical reaction whenever one says a fob in Samoa?  I can.  It would probably go something like this …first there’s a loud shriek that soon turns into hysterical laughter and then between gasps of air you hear…”fai mai o le poochum (podium), sole e le o le poochum le ka’u o le mea le ga, o le potium (podium)” followed by more grab your gut type laughter.

Seriously, the more I think about it the more surprised I am that most of us don’t utter as many fobs as we do.  After all, we are juggling at least two languages, we’re not only switching back and forth between Samoan and English when speaking but we’re also thinking in both languages.  It’s no wonder that sometimes a fob slips out.  I’m sure it happens with other people who speak two languages or more.

Take the kick-ass character Ziva David from NCIS, incidentally one of my favorite shows, just so you know.  Ziva is supposed to be an Israeli who speaks a dozen different languages.  And talk about fobs…Ziva utters at least one or two fobs in every episode, at least that’s how the writers depict her character.  It’s not that funny though in the series and no one around her falls down laughing when she utters her fobs, no one even snickers.  Not even a little bit.  Now imagine a Samoan saying any of those fobs around a company of Samoans…funny eh?

I remember there was a time when my siblings and I would try to catch one another’s fob which made for some funnies in and of itself.  Since all of us are fluent in English and Samoan you’d think that there wouldn’t be any fobs coming out of our mouths but inevitably someone would say something so outrageously fobby. And that poor sibling would hear it and the rest of us laughing about it the entire day if not the entire week.  Hey, we can speak flawless fluent English but if you also grew up in Samoa like we did, sooner or later the Samoan comes out.  Ia ga laia, aua le ma fua e ka’u mai lau oe fob.

So to end this post, here’s a fob funny I saw today on facebook.  Enjoy and try not to say a fob or for that matter be a fob this week.  Manuia le vaiaso ma aua le aka kele ke’i ua pi seisi i le ofu ae.

A palagi tourist walked into a store in Samoa to find an old Samoan man standing next to the cash register. He couldn’t take his eyes off an item on the counter. It was gum with big initials “PK”. The palagi man kindly asked the old man, “excuse me sir, what does PK stand for?” The old man shook his head, gave the palagi man an angry look and said, “e se palagi tomi iz mean “PAPO KUM”

I’ll come right out and tell you, I loved the film.  Yes, I was moved by the story line, the love and companionship between such an unlikely couple and the courage of one that is often looked upon as being the least of us.  I loved the way our culture was portrayed in the film.  It depicted our Samoan way of life with the kind of unapologetic brutal honesty that only one who has lived the fa’aSamoa can do but it was done so with great respect for the Samoan culture and people.

I said unapologetic brutal honesty because it depicted many things that perhaps we’d rather the whole world doesn’t see like the makape’ape’a that sometimes accompanies the si’is or the way we treat others who are different.  But this does happen in Samoa.  I saw it growing up, I still see it sometimes when I visit Samoa.  These scenes weren’t a figment of the writer’s imagination, he too saw it growing up in Samoa.  The only difference between us is that Tusi had the talent and the courage to bring these scenes to life in a way that tells this story of Samoa.  Our Samoan way of life isn’t always perfect or fair but then what way of life is?

I loved the fact that the whole film was in Samoan.  I felt so proud to be Samoan and sitting in that audience with other Samoan families as well as Tongans, palagis, sainas, meaulis, and a host of other ethnic groups.  They laughed along with us at the typical fob jokes.  They got it, they really did!  A Tongan even asked Tusi during the Q&A session if he would consider directing a film in Tongan.  High praise indeed, don’t you think?

The artistry alone was worth the ticket to the movie.  Our Samoa is certainly a beautiful country, isn’t it?  Looking at the lush greenery and scenery made me yearn for another visit to Samoa.  And the sound of the rain on the tin rooftops, who can forget that?   Definitely brought back memories of falling asleep to that special melody.  Did I even stop to notice that when I was young girl in Samoa?  Probably not as it was just another beat in the harmony that makes up the rhythm of life that is uniquely Samoan.

The Orator is a film that transcends ethnic and language barriers and touches the humanity in all of us.  It felt real and true!  It’s not a story that is only based in Samoa with a sprinkling of Samoan characters, quotes and scenes. It wasn’t a ripoff of another film or book masquerading as a Samoan movie.  Rather, it is a Samoan story, the heart and soul of the film is Samoan, and that more than any of the many other excellent aspects of this film is what I love the most about The Orator.

One of the greatest contributions this film has made is introducing the Samoan culture and way of life to young Samoans growing up outside of Samoa.  The Orator has sparked a renewed sense of cultural pride in a whole new generation of Samoans as indicated by the number of comments from young Samoan Americans professing their love of their culture and for being Samoans on facebook.  What other book or movie about Samoa can say that?

Fa’amalo Tusi, well done. Like we told you Friday night, you did us so proud.  We also liked your response when asked about the slow pace of the movie, you’re right, it is at the pace of life in Samoa.  We’ve become so accustomed to life in the fast lane and movies that go bang from the word go that we’ve become impatient with movies and scripts that make us wait.  We have to re-learn how to savor people, fai fai malie, folofolo lemu ae aua le so’o ga kolupu pei o se ai u, lol.  I asked you if you’re planning to make more movies in Samoa and in the Samoan language and I really hope that you will. Will there be a sequel to The Orator? For one thing, I’m hoping that you’ll confirm the suspicion that I have about Litia’s father because if I’m reading between the lines correctly then it can only be one person.  So to be continued…hopefully?

The leaders of the women's Mau: Mrs Tuimaliifano, Mrs Tamasese, Mrs Nelson, Mrs Faumuina, photographed c 1930. (courtesy of the National Library of New Zealand)

Today, here where I live, there’s an all day conference specifically for women.  The purpose of the conference Real Women Run is to “encourage women to run for public office, work on political campaigns, serve on public boards and commissions, and participate more actively in the making of public policy.”

Our state does have an embarrassingly low number of women representatives in all levels of government which is exactly what prompted this conference.  I don’t have the stats to back this up but I’m willing to bet that this is probably true of most every state and every country for that matter. And this does need to change!

We women must become more actively involved in the policies and legislations that dictate our lives and not just by exercising our rights to vote although it’s very important that we do that too.  We must have a voice in drafting, revising, and enacting our laws and regulations.  Which means becoming intimately involved in politics and running for office and yes (as much as I hate to think it) becoming politicians.  I can’t think of a job I’d hate more than that of a politician, what with all the butt kissing to get the votes you need, the back stabbing, the empty promises that are forgotten as quickly as they’re made,  the never ending demands to please everybody, the continuing necessity of selling yourself, the fundraising, the campaigning, gosh the list goes on and on.  What’s there to like about being a politician?

Still, politicians make the rules so more women need to be politicians.

So with the publicity this conference has had this week, it was somewhat of a de ja vu to open up the link to yesterday’s Samoa Observer and find that this same issue is in the spotlight there too.  Mata’afa Lesa voiced his concern about Samoa goverment’s proposal to change the constitution to ensure that at least 10% of every Parliament sitting are women.

I’m with Mata’afa on this one.  Members of Parliament, men and women, should be voted in on their own merits and not be handed a seat in order to meet a certain quota.  Giving someone a seat just because they’re of a certain sex belittles that person because we’re basically saying that they’re not intelligent enough or good enough to be voted in by their qualifications.  It also makes mockery of the democratic process and our rights as citizens to decide who we want to represent us. I understand that there are many challenges that women have to overcome but I don’t want to represented by someone who got in there just because she’s a woman.

If our Samoan government want to ensure that there are more women in Parliament, then the place to start is at our elementary and primary schools.  Ensure that girls are given an equal chance for education from the primary level and on through to government scholarships to study at the university level.  Give our Samoan girls every opportunity to excel and continue their education and then we’ll see more women in our Parliament and in other leadership positions in Samoa.