April Keil's Zumba crew

…would rather get a root canal or give birth without epidural.

Well, not quite, but you know what I mean.

I hate exercising, working out, going to the gym, whatever you call this thing that we have to do to get or stay healthy and lose weight, I HATE IT!  But as much as I hate exercising, there’s something else I hate even more – getting up EARLY in the morning to go exercise.

Believe it or not, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing this week – getting up at 5am to go exercise.  And despite the fact that I abhor exercising it actually hasn’t been too bad.  In fact, I’m looking forward to going tomorrow again even though it means sacrificing my Saturday morning treat - staying in bed until I feel like getting up.  Like many of you, it’s the one day that I don’t have to rush anywhere.

The key for me was finding something I enjoy, and when it comes to exercising that something is dancing, specifically zumba.  When I’m dancing, it doesn’t feel as if I’m exercising at all so zumba’s tagline, “ditch the workout, join the party” is fitting. I also like the new place I’m going to now, it’s a women only gym so the women that show up at 5 in the morning aren’t afraid to come as themselves – no makeup, hair hastily pulled up in a ponytail, and in sweats and baggy tshirts.  The instructor still looks cute but the rest of us come as we are.  Hey, at least we take the time to brush our teeth, hubby tells me that the guys he plays basketball with in the mornings don’t bother with that, and they’re not shy about yelling and getting in each other’s faces at all.

In addition to kicking off my exercise campaign this week, I also decided to eat healthier.  I know, what am I thinking?  There’s no way this Samoan is going to exist on rabbit food, no sirreeee, and I’m not going to.  I plan to make small changes, for example, this past week I eliminated sugar. Giving up that one little thing was hard.  How hard you ask? Well, I couldn’t have even a sliver of guava cake at my niece’s birthday party even though I love guava cake.  And I couldn’t have even a teeny tiny bite of a Cinnabon from the box of warm delicious Cinnabons that hubby brought home.  There’s actually one left in the fridge, tempting. I’d better channel all my willpower so I don’t walk over there right now and warm it up.  I can do this, I can do this, repeat 10 times…

By the way, if you have any healthy recipes for Samoan or Polynesian dishes, please share.  The Samoan diet is ahmmm how can I say this…not very balanced but it sure is delicious.

So why am I telling you all this?  Because if these fitness and weight management experts are to be believed, then telling you is going to help me succeed because I’m now accountable to all of you.  Whether or not they’re right remains to be seen a ea..

Check out these Samoan zumba addicts and instructors promoting fitness in our Polynesian communities:

• For the Love of Zumba
• The Keil Krew
• Finding Joy In My Journey
• Fitness with Netta

As I reflected on the last wishes of this father, my thoughts were drawn not only to my own father but also to my sons.  Like the father in this account, my father has guided his children through calm as well as some pretty rough waters and has remained unwavering in his love for us. So when that time comes, will my father leave this world in peace knowing that his children are good people?  Or will his mind be troubled about some of us?  Have we turned out the way he’d hoped?

On the other hand (not to sound morbid or anything like that), if it was me on my deathbed, what would my last wishes for my sons be?   I know that I too want them to be honorable and righteous in the sense that they’ll always try to do the right thing, treating others as they would want to be treated, and to be happy.  I want them to be rich and successful too of course, and to be loved deeply and faithfully and to love that special someone the same way.  I want all that for my sons but mostly I want them to be happy and to be good men.

I’m sure that every father and mother wish the same for their children, we all want our sons and daughters to be honest men and women.  In other words, to do what we’ve tried to teach them. But what if they don’t?  What if our teenagers and adult children follow a different path?  What if their choices make them less than the kind of men or women we’d hoped they’d be?

I’m not talking about expecting and raising our kids to be doctors and they end up an artist or something else.  That’s not an issue at all as far as I’m concerned.  Our children should be able to choose what it is that they want to become when they grow up.  I’m asking what a parent can and should do when their son or daughter is like the rebellious sons in the account we read yesterday.

Like this wise father, we can and should continue to love our children.  We can and should continue to counsel them when they’re ready to hear us, and most importantly, never give up on them.  And when we feel as if we can’t do this anymore or give them yet another chance, remember that we too were given and continue to be given many chances!

Samoans are all about families.  We pride ourselves on our strong families.   Family to us Samoans consists of not only our nuclear and extended families but also close friends that play important roles in our lives.  Family to me is my own little family consisting of hubby, me and our boys.  Family to me is also my extended family and close friends.  After all, good friends are sometimes closer to us than blood!

The longer I live, the more convinced I am that there is no such thing as a perfect family.  No family is perfect all the time!

Perhaps it’s the word “perfect” that’s problem.  After all when most of us hear the words “perfect family” we immediately think of a unit where there’s harmony and peace all the time.  We see visions of a family where everyone does exactly what they’re supposed to do – of course what it is that each person is supposed to do is open to interpretation depending on the individual.  As parents we probably have visions of kids doing exactly as they’re told or expected, they don’t disappoint us or go against what we taught them. They bring home good grades, complete their chores without being reminded everyday, stay out of trouble, befriend, date and marry people we approve of, etc.  In our imaginary perfect family everyone is in agreement, there are no contentions or conflicts, we’re all one happy perfect family, all the time, every time.

Is your family perfect? If you answered yes then you’ve either figured out something that has eluded the majority of mankind or perhaps you’re delusional. I don’t think that there is such a thing as a perfect family, at least not according to the definition above.

Which brings me back to my point about the word “perfect.”  It’s overrated, misleading and an absolute falsity.  There are no perfect people, no perfect relationships, no perfect families.  What we have instead is a lot of great people, great relationships, great marriages and great families.  Great, not perfect.  Great people have flaws and will mess up from time to time.  Those so-called perfect people that society hold up as perfect aren’t so perfect when the cameras are off or when the makeup and the glitter comes off.  That doesn’t mean they’re not great people, they probably are, they’re just not the perfect people that we sometimes make them out to be.

A great family isn’t exempt from the sting of disappointments, anger, hate, hurt, embarrassments and sorrow.  Great families weather these tough times and understand that current crisis aside, they’re still a family. A great family isn’t perfect but it is everything else – good and bad.  When we stop chasing the idea of perfection, whether it’s personal perfection or a perfect family, we allow ourselves to be something even better - we allow oursevels to be GREAT.

Many of us have uttered a “fob” at one time or another, if you’re honest you’ll admit that too. As I was saying, many of us are guilty of a fob here and there, we were just lucky that there were no Samoans around when we said it.  Or maybe we were just lucky that we weren’t in Samoa when we said it.  Can you visualize the typical reaction whenever one says a fob in Samoa?  I can.  It would probably go something like this …first there’s a loud shriek that soon turns into hysterical laughter and then between gasps of air you hear…”fai mai o le poochum (podium), sole e le o le poochum le ka’u o le mea le ga, o le potium (podium)” followed by more grab your gut type laughter.

Seriously, the more I think about it the more surprised I am that most of us don’t utter as many fobs as we do.  After all, we are juggling at least two languages, we’re not only switching back and forth between Samoan and English when speaking but we’re also thinking in both languages.  It’s no wonder that sometimes a fob slips out.  I’m sure it happens with other people who speak two languages or more.

Take the kick-ass character Ziva David from NCIS, incidentally one of my favorite shows, just so you know.  Ziva is supposed to be an Israeli who speaks a dozen different languages.  And talk about fobs…Ziva utters at least one or two fobs in every episode, at least that’s how the writers depict her character.  It’s not that funny though in the series and no one around her falls down laughing when she utters her fobs, no one even snickers.  Not even a little bit.  Now imagine a Samoan saying any of those fobs around a company of Samoans…funny eh?

I remember there was a time when my siblings and I would try to catch one another’s fob which made for some funnies in and of itself.  Since all of us are fluent in English and Samoan you’d think that there wouldn’t be any fobs coming out of our mouths but inevitably someone would say something so outrageously fobby. And that poor sibling would hear it and the rest of us laughing about it the entire day if not the entire week.  Hey, we can speak flawless fluent English but if you also grew up in Samoa like we did, sooner or later the Samoan comes out.  Ia ga laia, aua le ma fua e ka’u mai lau oe fob.

So to end this post, here’s a fob funny I saw today on facebook.  Enjoy and try not to say a fob or for that matter be a fob this week.  Manuia le vaiaso ma aua le aka kele ke’i ua pi seisi i le ofu ae.

A palagi tourist walked into a store in Samoa to find an old Samoan man standing next to the cash register. He couldn’t take his eyes off an item on the counter. It was gum with big initials “PK”. The palagi man kindly asked the old man, “excuse me sir, what does PK stand for?” The old man shook his head, gave the palagi man an angry look and said, “e se palagi tomi iz mean “PAPO KUM”

I’ll come right out and tell you, I loved the film.  Yes, I was moved by the story line, the love and companionship between such an unlikely couple and the courage of one that is often looked upon as being the least of us.  I loved the way our culture was portrayed in the film.  It depicted our Samoan way of life with the kind of unapologetic brutal honesty that only one who has lived the fa’aSamoa can do but it was done so with great respect for the Samoan culture and people.

I said unapologetic brutal honesty because it depicted many things that perhaps we’d rather the whole world doesn’t see like the makape’ape’a that sometimes accompanies the si’is or the way we treat others who are different.  But this does happen in Samoa.  I saw it growing up, I still see it sometimes when I visit Samoa.  These scenes weren’t a figment of the writer’s imagination, he too saw it growing up in Samoa.  The only difference between us is that Tusi had the talent and the courage to bring these scenes to life in a way that tells this story of Samoa.  Our Samoan way of life isn’t always perfect or fair but then what way of life is?

I loved the fact that the whole film was in Samoan.  I felt so proud to be Samoan and sitting in that audience with other Samoan families as well as Tongans, palagis, sainas, meaulis, and a host of other ethnic groups.  They laughed along with us at the typical fob jokes.  They got it, they really did!  A Tongan even asked Tusi during the Q&A session if he would consider directing a film in Tongan.  High praise indeed, don’t you think?

The artistry alone was worth the ticket to the movie.  Our Samoa is certainly a beautiful country, isn’t it?  Looking at the lush greenery and scenery made me yearn for another visit to Samoa.  And the sound of the rain on the tin rooftops, who can forget that?   Definitely brought back memories of falling asleep to that special melody.  Did I even stop to notice that when I was young girl in Samoa?  Probably not as it was just another beat in the harmony that makes up the rhythm of life that is uniquely Samoan.

The Orator is a film that transcends ethnic and language barriers and touches the humanity in all of us.  It felt real and true!  It’s not a story that is only based in Samoa with a sprinkling of Samoan characters, quotes and scenes. It wasn’t a ripoff of another film or book masquerading as a Samoan movie.  Rather, it is a Samoan story, the heart and soul of the film is Samoan, and that more than any of the many other excellent aspects of this film is what I love the most about The Orator.

One of the greatest contributions this film has made is introducing the Samoan culture and way of life to young Samoans growing up outside of Samoa.  The Orator has sparked a renewed sense of cultural pride in a whole new generation of Samoans as indicated by the number of comments from young Samoan Americans professing their love of their culture and for being Samoans on facebook.  What other book or movie about Samoa can say that?

Fa’amalo Tusi, well done. Like we told you Friday night, you did us so proud.  We also liked your response when asked about the slow pace of the movie, you’re right, it is at the pace of life in Samoa.  We’ve become so accustomed to life in the fast lane and movies that go bang from the word go that we’ve become impatient with movies and scripts that make us wait.  We have to re-learn how to savor people, fai fai malie, folofolo lemu ae aua le so’o ga kolupu pei o se ai u, lol.  I asked you if you’re planning to make more movies in Samoa and in the Samoan language and I really hope that you will. Will there be a sequel to The Orator? For one thing, I’m hoping that you’ll confirm the suspicion that I have about Litia’s father because if I’m reading between the lines correctly then it can only be one person.  So to be continued…hopefully?

The leaders of the women's Mau: Mrs Tuimaliifano, Mrs Tamasese, Mrs Nelson, Mrs Faumuina, photographed c 1930. (courtesy of the National Library of New Zealand)

Today, here where I live, there’s an all day conference specifically for women.  The purpose of the conference Real Women Run is to “encourage women to run for public office, work on political campaigns, serve on public boards and commissions, and participate more actively in the making of public policy.”

Our state does have an embarrassingly low number of women representatives in all levels of government which is exactly what prompted this conference.  I don’t have the stats to back this up but I’m willing to bet that this is probably true of most every state and every country for that matter. And this does need to change!

We women must become more actively involved in the policies and legislations that dictate our lives and not just by exercising our rights to vote although it’s very important that we do that too.  We must have a voice in drafting, revising, and enacting our laws and regulations.  Which means becoming intimately involved in politics and running for office and yes (as much as I hate to think it) becoming politicians.  I can’t think of a job I’d hate more than that of a politician, what with all the butt kissing to get the votes you need, the back stabbing, the empty promises that are forgotten as quickly as they’re made,  the never ending demands to please everybody, the continuing necessity of selling yourself, the fundraising, the campaigning, gosh the list goes on and on.  What’s there to like about being a politician?

Still, politicians make the rules so more women need to be politicians.

So with the publicity this conference has had this week, it was somewhat of a de ja vu to open up the link to yesterday’s Samoa Observer and find that this same issue is in the spotlight there too.  Mata’afa Lesa voiced his concern about Samoa goverment’s proposal to change the constitution to ensure that at least 10% of every Parliament sitting are women.

I’m with Mata’afa on this one.  Members of Parliament, men and women, should be voted in on their own merits and not be handed a seat in order to meet a certain quota.  Giving someone a seat just because they’re of a certain sex belittles that person because we’re basically saying that they’re not intelligent enough or good enough to be voted in by their qualifications.  It also makes mockery of the democratic process and our rights as citizens to decide who we want to represent us. I understand that there are many challenges that women have to overcome but I don’t want to represented by someone who got in there just because she’s a woman.

If our Samoan government want to ensure that there are more women in Parliament, then the place to start is at our elementary and primary schools.  Ensure that girls are given an equal chance for education from the primary level and on through to government scholarships to study at the university level.  Give our Samoan girls every opportunity to excel and continue their education and then we’ll see more women in our Parliament and in other leadership positions in Samoa.

Come on, we all see the humor in this situation, don’t we?  It’s one of those times when all of us Samoans just shake our heads and say “only in Samoa.” Where else in the world does the muli of a bird or any other animal become part of such important negotiations?  What other country in the world can lay claim to the fact that their membership in the WTO was dependent on a piece of xxx (scratch that, gotta keep this PG). Ok, I can hear you guys sniggering and you’re probably right, perhaps there were a lot of deals that were initiated or sealed that way so scratch that thought altogether.  Alright, that is now completely gone from my brain.

I have to say that one of my problems as a Samoan with this whole thing is the fact that the government decided it knows what’s best for me.  I mean our Samoan government has unilaterally decided what’s good or not good for us before like a couple of years ago when they banned the showing of Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code in Samoan theaters.  So now instead of letting Samoans decide for themselves that they shouldn’t be eating mulipipi everyday, the government banned it altogether.  What’s next? What other Mulipipi Decision (a decision made by our government that lacks broad community consultation – term and definition courtesy of Rhonda Annesley editor-in-chief of Samoa News) is in the wings for Samoa? The Samoan government either believes that we’re too stupid to make these choices for ourselves or they believe that they can dictate every aspect of our lives down to what we can and can’t eat.

So where was I?  Ahh yes, the decision by Samoa to reverse themselves and lift the ban on importing mulipipis to Samoa – which by the way became official last month.  I thought it was strange that in a statement last month Tuilaepa said Samoa never banned mulipipis.  I say strange because the last three times we’ve gone to Samoa these past 3 years, every Samoan family member and friend that we visited told us sorry but there’s no mulipipis in our barbecue laga ua fa’a sa mulipipi i Samoa.  So if they weren’t banned, why did all these Samoans think they were?

Once again Tuilaepa was quick to explain.  Here it is in his own words, “We simply said, the turkey should bring its own tail to Samoa. It’s no good somebody else chowing the turkey and then send the tail to Samoa. We too know how to eat turkey.”  Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? Well, it makes sense until you break it down.

From what I understand, mulipipis were banned because they were blamed for the obesity epidemic in Samoa.  Seems like a wise choice on the surface.  However, in taking the drastic step to ban mulipipis the government simply attacked the surface of a deep and far-reaching problem.  It’s like they went out and found a fall guy (the lowest guy on the totem pole) for the obesity epidemic in Samoa and Mr. Mulipipi was the unlucky guy.

The government failed to ask the right questions.  Why is that I wonder, why didn’t they ask the right questions? Is it because the answers might actually hurt our politicians and leaders in Samoa?  You see I believe one of the questions that should have been asked is, why are Samoans consuming so much mulipipis?  Well for one, they taste good barbecued or prepared any number of different ways.  But the most important reason is because it was one of the cheapest meat (if you can call it that) in Samoa.  It was cheaper than mamoe, fasi povi, moa, maybe even cheaper than eleni and pilikaki.  Your typical Samoan family cannot afford many of these other meats on a weekly let alone a daily basis.  But once a week at least they can afford mulipipis.

So the government should have been investigating why the prices of these other meats and goods in Samoa are so outrageously expensive, so much so that they’re well out of reach of many Samoan families.  Every time I go to Samoa, e u’u lo’u guku i le kau o mea i Samoa, ou ke ofo i le mafai e kakou kagaka Samoa o ga afford oloa o lo’o fa’akau i fale oloa.  I feel for our families in Samoa and can’t help but wonder how they do it. How are they able to afford even basic necessities such as sugar and flour when the cost of goods are the way they are in Samoa?

Are these kinds of questions not being asked because our Samoan politicians and leaders are the very same people that own and have shares in these businessess and fale oloas?

So Tuilaepa said that they want to import the whole turkey to Samoa, not just mulipipis.  Well not that they’re listening or care but my advice to business owners in Samoa, ua lava le 10 o au turkey e oka i le kausaga aua e ga’o le pau le ga o aiga i Samoa e mafai ona gafakia le kau o le turkey.

Father & Son

I purposefully don’t post about personal things because I didn’t want this blog to be a typical “mommy blog” where I write about the daily happenings in our home, the comings and goings of my family.  That was never my intention when I started this blog and it still isn’t but I just have to write about this one momentous occasion so I hope you indulge me this one time.  Not that there’s anything wrong with mommy blogs – it’s just not what I want to write about.  It probably has something to do with my aversion to sharing too dang much or even a little bit about my private life, lol.

Yesterday, our oldest son took the oath to protect and serve his country as a member of the U.S. Armed Forces.  It was a special moment for our family made even more special by the fact that his father swore him in.  That’s the two of them in the picture above. My son has now joined a long line of his father’s family who served and are still serving in the military making this an honored family tradition.  I’m a proud military wife and as of yesterday a proud military mother.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again, I’m grateful to be a citizen of this great country. I’m proud of the fact that members of my family are counted among those who have defended and are continuing to defend our constitution and nation.

This may not sound too democratic since we’re all about freedom of choice and all that but if it was up to me, I’d require every young man and woman between the ages of 18 and 24 to serve a mandatory term of 1-3 years in the Armed Forces like they do in Israel.  I think it would do them a world of good.  Not only would they be providing a service to their country but they’d also be learning a valuable skill or trade in the process.  More importantly, it would help them realize that citizenship and the rights that they enjoy to live like they do and sound off whenever and about whoever comes on the backs and sacrifices of others.

And I believe that protecting this country or any country for that matter should be a shared responsibility among everyone who calls themselves a citizen of that country!

The entertainment featured a number of skits and dances performed by men dressed as women.  One of the strangest skits was about domestic abuse which was fine if the point was to teach that men shouldn’t be beating the heck out of their wives but the skit didn’t attempt to teach, merely to entertain.  It made physical abuse a laughing matter which isn’t funny except in a twisted kind of a way.  What is it that we say … e ese lava le mea e aka ai le Samoa…or perhaps, I missed the point.

These performances got the biggest laughs from the locals that were in attendance.  But whenever the camera panned the audience, the foreigners were noticeably ‘not laughing.’  Wonder what they really thought of the fact that we Samoans find the antics of men dressing and acting as women hilarious.  Were they put off by the performances?  Were they shocked by the obvious approval of the crowd?  Guess you have to be Samoan to appreciate a Samoan idea of a joke or a funny.

Admittedly, some of the men were just guys playing the part of women in the skit, but some of them were fa’afafines – Samoa’s third gender.

I don’t know of any other country in the world where the third gender (men who dress, act and live as women) is as accepted and as commonplace as Samoa.  Fa’afafines are everywhere in Samoa and American Samoa and that is not an exaggeration!

They’re not hiding in the closet suppressing their feminine side like they would if they were living in the U.S. or other countries.  Rather they live and work in public as fa’afafines complete with puletasi, high heels, purse and makeup.  They contribute significantly to their families, villages and communities.  They’re school teachers, government workers, athletes, interior decorators, tailors, babysitters, cooks and cannery workers.  They’re Sunday school teachers.

So are we Samoans to be praised for being leaps and bounds ahead of every other country in our acceptance and approval of the third gender?

On the other hand…

Do we have such a large population  of fa’afafines in Samoa because Samoans (by our direct and/or indirect approval) encourage tendencies for the third gender?

Which leads to this question…

Is being fa’afafine a choice?

Sounds like something from a science fiction movie, but this is really happening and it’s happening tonight. The switch makes economic sense for Samoa as it will align Samoa with its Asia-Pacific business partners including New Zealand, Australia and other Pacific Rim countries such as Singapore.

Prime Minister of Samoa, Tuila’epa Sailele Malielegaoi reiterated that today Samoa does more business with New Zealand, Australia, and China. He continued, “In doing business with New Zealand and Australia, we’re losing out on two working days a week,” Mr. Tuila’epa said. “While it’s Friday here, it’s Saturday in New Zealand, and when we’re at church on Sunday, they’re already conducting business in Sydney and Brisbane.”

This change puts Samoa back to the western side of the international date line where it used to be prior to 1892.  In 1892, American traders in Samoa facilitated the change to the eastern side of the international date line so that they could easily conduct business with the western United States.

Neighboring American Samoa will not be affected by the change.  It’ll be a little strange for Samoans who travel from Pago Pago to Apia and vice versa on a regular basis but with anything else, I’m sure we’ll get used to it.

So what does the change mean for Samoans?  Well aside from celebrating the fact that the weekend is here earlier, workers will also get paid for Friday even though there isn’t going to be a Friday.  Two good reasons right there to throw a party wouldn’t you say…and it sounds like there’s a big party in Apia tonight.  Hotel guests staying in any hotel in Samoa will not be charged for the nonexistent day.  So the nonexistent Friday turns out to be a good deal for employees and visitors to Samoa.

Here’s another silver lining for those who were born on December 30th and happen to be living in Samoa or visiting Samoa this week… you didn’t get any older this year because technically speaking December 30th never happened!